Like many people, I was shocked by the death of Stephen “tWitch” Boss last week. I was logging on to my computer to start work for the day and opened CNN like I do every morning and saw that the beloved dancer I had been watching for years had passed away. Immediately, I thought his death was the result of natural causes – my dad passed away suddenly at 39 from a pulmonary embolism, and I thought something similar had happened to tWitch. My heart sank when I looked on social media a couple hours later. I saw it had been confirmed that tWitch died by suicide.
Suicide is something that is still highly stigmatized, especially in the Black community. While I will never speculate on what tWitch was going through on his individual journey, I know that from my own experience as a Black person living in the United States, the pressure to be perfect can be so suffocating that sometimes it feels like you’re trapped by other people’s expectations – without your consent. Especially with the rise of social media over the past decade or so, it can feel as if a spotlight is constantly on you and you’re forced to perform happiness for likes and comments – even in moments when you feel the exact opposite.
The disembodiment that occurs when this happens is real. And it can have real consequences, including suicidal ideation. How are we affected physically, mentally, and spiritually when we feel pressure to keep going from multiple directions despite everything in us saying it’s time to pause and rest?
This white-dominated society teaches us to ignore our body’s natural warning signals so that we continue producing things to benefit the dominant group no matter how we’re feeling – a legacy of centuries of enslavement. But, we must take steps to put our own well-being first for our lives to be sustainable. Although there is no “off” switch in a white supremacist, capitalist society, we have to create our own to preserve ourselves for the long term. We have dreams to fulfill and we have to be on Earth to see them come to fruition.
I know the effects of suicidal ideation intimately and I also know that, unfortunately, many Black people and other folks with marginalized identities know them too. I want this to be something that is discussed more openly in Black spaces so that we can share the truth about what we’re going through and the pressure we feel to always be “on.” There is no way we can’t be harmed by living in systems that don’t care about our well-being and still don’t view us as human beings.
It’s no easy task, but building your identity outside of what you produce is so pivotal in working to heal from suicidal ideation. I want you know, you’re so much more than what you do. You’re a whole person worthy of all the good things if you do a lot or nothing at all. In communities like this one here, we reject the lie started during enslavement that our lives are not valuable if we’re unable to produce. We are human and with that comes a natural need for rest and time to heal.
To tWitch, I hope that wherever you are now, you’re resting well and at peace. You had a real impact on this world that will be felt for generations to come. We’ll miss you down here on Earth.
If you are in need of immediate help or need someone to talk to, dial 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline 24/7.